I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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