so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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