tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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