I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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