It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
