please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
