And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
