I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
