see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
