I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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