I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
