Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
