is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
