"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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