I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Someone shit on the floor
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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