I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
