Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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