I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
