haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
