My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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