my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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