Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize