I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
