Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
how does that bad decision feel?
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