Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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