i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
