i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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