I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
