were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
