Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
