I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
