come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to calm my uterus...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
