why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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