Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
high people should be assigned attendants
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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