I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
