Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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