yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
