I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
