therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
