I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
