Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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