You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
