i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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