The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
