The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
