I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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