just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
