So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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