Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
