Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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