The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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