How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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