i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
