I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
