You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
