After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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