I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
soo... how was my night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
