She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
