This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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