Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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