You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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