i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
