I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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