some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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