Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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