if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
