We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
